First blog post

⚧★·.·´¯`·.·★   Ooh! i’ve started a BLOG. Now everybody knows ★·.·´¯`·.·★⚧

Well to get out of my darkness am going to into words my life, or lack of it!

Then I can step out into the lightness. Want to do this but my various mental “issues” means it will be a gradual process when am in a creative mood.

I want to explain why I consider myself Transgender, why I am not yet fully living as a woman. Have had a lifetime of ups and downs, Mental problems,  and thoughts of body mutilation which I never manged to do. I started hormones some years ago. But life events meant having to stop and once again return to misery, hopelessness and more thoughts of suicide and mutilation. Suicide was carried out with an 2 x overdose.I cant and dont do physical pain so “IT” is still there.

First step I need to address my Mental Health, Anxiety, and anger issues which have been prevalent for so long, all my life basically.

So if anybody comes to read this blog wondering what its all about, you can get a glimpse of me and my years of sadness and depression. I have come to realise that there are people worse off than myself who have a lifetime ahead of them. I’ve had my lifetime of learning how to cope and hiding my emotions, thoughts, mental issues and lots of other things.

I guess as is normal, I will be judged one way or the other. Hope you will see that im not a monster, im not “different” im not a weirdo or perv. I am/was just a member of the Human race trying to live in this world of discrimination and misunderstandings.

Its going to be hard for me as I have had a brick wall up ever since i was 5 years old when I first realised I wanted to be a girl, and especially at age 7  after my first suicide thoughts wanting to, needing to jump out of a windows to the concrete below.

Am not after pity or words of kindness, rather I just want to get it all out in a place where somebody might read it and just understand me.

Am discovering in Mental Health and Transgender sites that help is available. Would love to help others but, selfishly (again!)  need to help myself first. Learnt a long time ago to hide my utter disappointment, and although have had some sort of life, was always hiding my true self, feeling non human, ,worthless and a freak.  I did  not want to get bullied anymore. I now know that this basically was due to a lack of understanding, that there were others like me. There was no internet at the time, no help, nothing but boys, girls and weirdos. How life has progressed, yet I still feel the same issues are in the realm of life now.

Perhaps putting myself into the public domain I can loosen my bricks and fly out into the light.🌈

If you hate me thats cool.

katty💜

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